Writing From Experience
When I first started writing fiction, I fell under the umbrella of writers who were afraid to write "what they knew." To me, it felt wrong, on some level, to endow my fiction with personal experiences. If my writing was influenced by the people around me, could it be taken the wrong way? Could I end up hurting the people I cared about by writing a character similar to them in an "undesirable" fashion? Was it possible to balance "writing what you know" and creating tangible, unique fiction?
Real People Who Influence Characters
The first time I tried writing a character influenced by someone I knew, it felt very forced. It seemed that every action this character did somehow didn't "fit." The world that they were inhabiting, the things that they had to do to make the story work, just wouldn't mesh with this manufactured personality.
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In my experience, trying to push characters into certain personality boxes, especially those that are attached to specific people, doesn't work. Characters shouldn't be, for all intents and purposes, exactly like someone you know. Instead, it's okay to take attributes from different people's personalities and smush them together into one character. Take, for example, one of the secondary characters in my upcoming novel. When I first started forming her personality, her character sheet looked something like this:
Image by Danny Lines on Unsplash
As can be seen from the above image, the results of this experiment were not very fruitful. Afraid of besmirching the name of one of my dear friends, I was only willing to pick their positive attributes. Thus, I ended up with a very flat character who, frankly, didn't act like a real person.
So how did I fix this? I discovered I was much more willing to "steal" personality traits from people I knew if they were sporadic and interspersed between several characters. Alone, this character was not a standard representation of one person. She was a mish-mash of many people I'd met, some I barely even knew. The result of doing this was a unique character who acted like a real person.
Writing a fictional character from experience doesn't have to be, nor should it be, taking a carbon copy of someone you know. There should be layers and nuance to your decisions. When that is done, the resulting character sheet may end up looking more like this:
The altered traits above ended up being how my character ultimately acted. Some of her traits started to bounce off each other, while others seemed to be polar opposites. There were positive and negative aspects of her personality. In some instances, this character would demonstrate incredible courage and prove herself to be trustworthy. In other situations, her unwavering jealousy and incredible feistiness put her at odds with other characters. Characters, like people, shouldn't be perfect. Once writers let go of the need to create written replicas of people they know, this nuance really starts to shine through.
Writing Emotional Experiences
For most of my life, my understanding of grief has boiled down to the carefully curated slogans that the media has pushed out: the five stages and the demonstration of grief on television. Because of this, I thought that I understood. When writing characters in grief, I would end up spitting out the same reactions all the authors before me had. It didn't feel real. And how could it? I'd never grieved before.
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It wasn't until recently, when my grandmother succumbed to her Parkinson's Disease, that I came to realize exactly how complicated grief is. Take the denial stage, for example. In the past, it was my understanding that while in the denial stage of grief, mourners struggled to comprehend or accept a death. It seemed as simple as that. When I lost my grandma, though, that understanding immediately shifted. Although some people do struggle to believe a death has occurred, others choose to push their grief aside. The denial, in this sense, is the denial of sorrow—the denial of all those gross, painful emotions that come with losing someone you love. After I found out my grandmother had died, I pushed down the pain, avoiding it at every cost. But sometimes, when I was left alone with my thoughts for too long, tears would start to trickle down my face. Sorrow would sneak up on me like the boogieman, attaching itself and refusing to let go. Now, when I create a character in grief, my unique experience will enhance and strengthen the way I write their struggles.
Writing When You Lack Experience
Sometimes, though, authors are forced to write about experiences they don't understand. In instances like these, what are they supposed to do? In my book, I have a strong, foundational romance. In my life, however, such a romance, or really any romance for that matter, has never existed. Yet, I've managed to create a relationship my reviewers feel attached to. How can that make sense? Well, to explain this, I feel inclined to bring in a story of mine from my days in theatre.
Photo by Tony Herrera.
It has been cropped to mask my costar's face.
The above image showcases a moment I had on stage. In this scene, I was starting to get a bit choked up, and this beautiful picture was snapped as a result. How in the world was I getting choked up, though? I was breaking off an imaginary relationship—an engagement that never existed! Well, throughout the course of this show, I really struggled with the "romance." I had never been in love, and every time I tried to pretend to be in love on stage, it fell flat. My director remarked several times that my costar and I looked like we were repulsed by each other, not like we were in love. I was at a loss. I didn't know how to fake being in love. I didn't know how to make it look real! It wasn't until my director gave me an essential piece of advice that the key to fabricating love on stage started to click into place. That conversation went something like this:
Me: I don't know how to do this! I've never been in love. I don't know what it feels like.
My director: Yes, but you know what love feels like, don't you? There are people in your life that you care about? People you would do anything for?
Me: Of course.
My director: Channel that. Try to place the love you feel for other people into [your costar].
What followed that interaction was pure magic on stage. I had done it. I had replicated a feeling I didn't understand by likening it to one that I did. No, I'd never been in love. But I had loved people. I loved my family; I loved my friends. There were people I wanted to spend time with—those I had moments with that made me love them even more. When writing romantic love in my novel, I strive for these types of interactions. Those gentle, kind, beautiful moments between two people who genuinely care about each other. Would my understanding be better if I had been in love? Sure. But I've managed to make a pretty convincing replica without it.
The Bottom Line
If you can write from experience, do it. But if you can't, it's up to you as the author to find a way to recreate such experiences, making them as truthful as possible. Also, don't assume you understand something just because you've "read up" and "researched" the topic. Take time, think it through, and, if you can, talk to people who have experienced it. In doing so, you have the best chance to give your characters unique but truthful reactions. It can seem complicated, I know. And at times, it sure is complicated. With a little bit of work, though, and a lot of rewriting, you can still create an enriched piece of fiction. Lack of experience be damned! Just trust yourself, trust your process, and if it's possible to enhance a piece of writing with experience, do it. You've got this!
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